Vive le Difference

During a conversation with my mother over the concept that "opposites attract," she wisely informed me that being male and female was opposite enough for any relationship. My husband is a outgoing, well-organized, people-loving, neatnik. He doesn't understand how (or why) I lose my keys, store everything of importance on my desk, or need a shower after working in the kitchen. (That last one is generally caused by a dust cloud of flour or some other explosion of ingredients that attack me.) When he gets particularly frustrated, it always helps to remind him that among my other talents, I take only 20 minutes from wake-up to out the door, know how to work on cars, and am fairly handy with tools.

Yesterday at my grand daughter's birthday party the difference in male and female was evident even among the six year-olds. Hannah has a passel of girl friends and two young men who are her "best friends." The best friends have to be invited to the party, even when it is a party for little girls and their dolls.

As the girls arrived, there was the hugging, whispering, giggling that is so little girlish. Then they would move to the arts and craft table to make their projects and giggle some more. The boys, on the other hand, came in, said hello (when prompted to do so) and went straight to the game room where the TV was on. Both boys spent the entire time lounging on bean bag chairs, not speaking to each other (as far as could be seen) and ignoring the whispering and giggling in the other room.

When it was time to open gifts, the boys joined the rest of the party for the oohing and ahhing of each gift opened and passed around. They did not giggle once. While the girls were all wanting to see each gift, they merely rolled their eyes when a big deal was made over a particular doll or stuffed toy. Neither of them had a single word to say about the entire event.

Then, the final gift was presented. As if on cue, both of them moved out of their seats (for the first time) and went to help Hannah unwrap it. They could tell that the end of this ordeal was over and the cake had to be the next event on the agenda. They were ready for that.

[Rabbit trail: that final gift was an American Doll. For those of you who are not up on the current trends, American Dolls can be accessorized with anything a kid can get. There are doll houses (for which you need a mortgage), doll clothes, strollers, backpacks, computers . . . you name it. I suggested to my son-in-law that he consider taking the doll as a deduction on his income tax.]

Anyway, the boys ate their cake and went back to the play room until time to leave. They dutifully told Hannah "Happy Birthday" when their mom's reminded them as they were leaving with their army camouflage bucket of party gifts as rewards for their endurance. The girls left, still not finished talking, with their pink heart party bags.

Every parent who has raised both a boy and a girl knows the innate differences between the two begins at birth. It isn't societal. It isn't environmental. It is hard-wired. And, it is for a reason. When it comes time for Hannah to marry, she is likely to choose a man who will balance her chattiness with his silence. She will look for someone who complements, rather than duplicates her gifts. And then she and her husband will spend their entire married life (like her parents and grandparents) trying to understand how two people who are so different can enjoy being together so much.

The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18